Today we have been traveling for four months. That’s one-third of a year, longer than most students’ summer vacations.
{as always, mouse over photos for description, or click to enlarge}
Sometimes it already feels like we’ve lived this way forever. I am happy and I think more mellow, and very often I stop and marvel that I’m seeing so many places I never thought I would see. Perhaps what amazes me most is that international travel no longer feels like a giant, intimidating undertaking requiring months of planning and research. Imagine that.
When we started this journey I was thinking we might stay out for two years or even three, but the longer we travel, the less likely that seems. At the time I was thinking we would come home because we stopped having fun or because it got too expensive, but neither of those has been an issue. No, it’s simply that I don’t think I could do it for that long. Even before we left for Iceland, I began to feel the pull of settled-ness. I miss my family and friends; I miss having a home community. I find it harder to work, too; obviously I’m generating plenty of writing and artwork, but I find the project mindset more elusive when we’re on the move. The environment is too stimulating and too dynamic — as if sustained work requires shelves of books and my own desk and a red metal cabinet full of files.
Really it’s not the environment itself, but the fact that I am new to it. (Reykjavík seems like a great place to work, actually.) It’s just so easy to be distracted, with so much to discover. And why not? Why shouldn’t we be strolling the edge of Reykjavík harbor or eating plokkfiskur instead of cloistering ourselves indoors with our computers? Well, no reason at all — except that I like working.
It does help when we stay in a place longer, I am learning. Even so, two months is short, and when I think about changing places every two months for the next eight, it just feels tiring, which it probably is — change puts pressure on the system, as stress researchers know, even when the change is good. And we do a lot of moving from city to city: in these four months we have been in three countries but twice as many cities/towns, with day trips to others. That takes a toll too.
The goofy thing is even as I recognize this, I get a little frantic about not seeing the world faster. It’s beyond unreasonable, but when I think that we might go home after only three more countries, I think, “But what about Paris? London? Berlin? Barcelona? Budapest? What about the rest of Scandinavia, and the whole of Africa and South America? Italy! Are we going to get to Asia at all?” It’s grasping, that’s what it is, and clinging to a scarcity mindset — “too much to do and not enough time!” And not just that, but it’s frustrating because we could see all these other places, and the only thing stopping me is personal limitations. But then, for me, that has often been hard to accept: knowing I have limits, and I ignore them only to my own detriment.
Anyway, there’s no point dwelling on any of this. It’s entirely possible that I’ll feel wholly different in another four months’ time. And in the meantime, I might as well enjoy myself — which I am, in my own neurotic, over-thinking way!
Happy weekend!
Maybe it’s not a scarcity mindset, but an overabundance mindset. (Or possibly they are the same thing.) You are in the enviable position of having the world at your feet, knowing that it could all be yours, but, dang, do you really want to experience it all at once. Sort of like eating at a buffet. All these choices but not enough stomach:) I know you will figure out what is best for you and Erik. You are learning so much about yourself, so no matter when you return home you will be infinitely richer! PS – Have you thought about going home from time to time just to spend time with family, and to see how you feel about leaving again for another few months?
Hee. The buffet comparison is a good one, Sherry! I know we’ll figure out what’s best for us too, and really, it makes most sense for me to just let that happen and not worry about it. But of course I’m made the way I am, so the thoughts come up… fortunately I seem to be getting a little easier about letting them go again!
I have thought very much about going home to spend time with family, and we may do that over Christmas — not sure yet.
I guess you’ll travel till you’re tired – then go home for a while – but you’ve proven to yourself you can do it this way. I suspect that in itself will be another tug on the ol’ walking boots.
Yes indeed!! I think that’s really what I’m most thankful for, on this trip: feeling like the world is now accessible to me, instead of feeling like everyplace else is just “out there” and far away.
My dear,
This definitely resonates with me as I’m a week away from spending three months abroad. Since August 2010, I have spent almost 7 months in Ghana. The back and forth is not easy and I too am beginning to feel the pull to just make up my mind and settle down. I can’t imagine spending bits of time in different places though. I’m sure it’d be fun but I’d probably get a touch of mania moving around often. I’m sure everyone would love to see you when you decide to grace us with your presence. I miss you and Erik but value the wandering spirit so I’m content to read your blog and g-chat with you until we connect again. PS. put Ghana on the list. I’m hosting 2 people in the three months I’ll be home! 😀
Dear Kuukua, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be going back and forth! I suppose it’s both easier and more challenging than doing as we are, moving to different places… there is something freeing (if tricky) about making a fresh start every couple of months, whereas returning to a place you’ve already called home means picking up some of the pieces from last time. I’ve been thinking about your upcoming move and wishing you well. Ghana has always been on the maybe list — let’s see if it’ll stay there or become more definite. 😉 I have to say I’m almost finding myself wanting to just go home these days! ❤