I’ve felt a surge of body love lately. I believe it’s the result of weeks of figure painting and several sessions of a capoeira intro series (two months for $60, can you believe it?). I’m feeling strong and good and beautiful these days, and I love it. I also really miss the figure studio; the RAC won’t offer it again until September.
So the other day, when I caught sight of myself in a mirror and liked the view, my reaction was to snatch up sketchbook and pencil and start recording what I saw.
This took about 5-10 minutes.
I guess it’s about accurate. It might be a little elongated because of the odd angle of drawing myself at close quarters in a full-length mirror — Erik thinks my head looks too small — but it looks generally right to me. This is amazing, because normally when I try to draw myself I think I look all lumpy and bulgy and unattractive.
I wish I could do a longer version of this, without clothes, but I really don’t know if that will work. One of my fellow artists in the uninstructed life studio has done a full-body painting of himself but I don’t know how he did it; it might have to be from a photo since he somehow managed to get both front and back into it! But I’d prefer not to use photos.
I did have the interesting experience, last week, of posing nude for Erik as he sketched me. This was by my request; eventually I want to do paintings of friends, and I feel I have no right to ask others to model for me (unprofessionally) if I haven’t given it a shot myself. I learned a lot even from one hour of doing this, and my already great respect for professional models grew still greater. I have no hopes of ever becoming a really good model, but I’d like to do it again sometime because I found it very peaceful. I’m not accustomed to being so still, and it’s good for me.
Erik has very decent drawing skills but he’s out of practice, and quick sketches were never his forte. But with that in mind, I think he did very well. Anyway it was pure magic seeing myself rendered into lines on the page.
Four minutes.
Yesterday I attempted to paint myself, which presented more challenges than simply sketching my reflection with pencil. Watercolor is not a good medium to use when standing, so I had to sit; it’s also a slow medium, so I had the additional difficulty of having to pose for a longer time. At first I tried to do a quick painting without a preliminary pencil sketch — this is mostly what I did during the RAC sessions — and it just didn’t work. At least for now, it’s too hard a thing to do while I’m trying to move between holding still and painting. Colors are nice though.
Me seated at desk
I tried again, this time with a careful pencil sketch. This effort took me about two hours, start to finish, including breaks. I’m still not totally satisfied with it — and the face drives me crazy — but it’s a huge improvement on the previous attempt! And it was fun putting in the fantasy background. Someday I really do want a room that’s painted in those colors.
Second attempt
satsumabug.com | Lisa Hsia 
These are good, but the first thing I thought of was, where’s your lovely smile? I imagine, not being a painter, that it would be difficult to get a natural smile, freeze it, and hold it while painting. Like the old dagguerotype photos from the 1800’s where the subjects all look dour but it’s because of how long they had to sit still. Not that you look dour at all! I have perfected, over the years, the ability to look in a mirror and not see myself so I applaud your courage.
Thank you for the thoughts, Lisa! Yes, you’re right — it’s very hard to capture a smile. One of the poses I did for Erik was a 10-minute portrait and I tried to smile for it. It was work! I had to keep thinking of new lovely things so the smile would feel genuine, but even so, by the end it felt more like a grimace. I suppose the key is to not smile the entire time but to keep flashing it on and off, which is what I did when I painted the previous self-portrait, the smiling one… and that still made me feel slightly insane while I was doing it, not to mention the smile kept changing. Painting myself is always a logistical challenge as well as a creative one. I’ll keep experimenting. 🙂
‘made me feel slightly insane’ …..Hahaha!
And I’d like a room with those divine flowers on a wall just like that!
This is a wonderful post because I love seeing your progress and how you think about the forward moves. I’m with Lisa S. in that I think about you as a little lighter in spirit– open, supportive and centered. I prefer the 5-10 minute pencil sketch you made because it has that hint of smile. But I do like Erik’s sketch, and the last one, too.
I’m glad you are lovin’ what you see! 🙂
I’ll paint you one sometime, if we can swing it. 🙂 Never mind wanting it for a second — I’ve always wanted to paint a room like that!
So glad you like the post! I hear you and Lisa. I think of myself as lighter in spirit, too; at the moment I have trouble capturing that, though I think the colors help a bit. I wish I could find a way to paint myself realistically without the strokes getting so ponderously worked. I’m not convinced it’s possible, but I think it’s a good thing to keep striving for. 🙂
Being happy with your body image is a wonderful place to be. I should congratulate you on that. I wish everybody else could achieve it ( including me and Mrs. Monkey). I like your water sketches, as you know, but whilst you don’t like the face in the last one…………..I think it’s great. It’s so full of interest.
Exercise is vital for me when it comes to feeling happy with my body (or maybe it’s my body that feels happy and that influences the rest of me). I was feeling pretty bad about myself before I started this capoeira class. But there’s nothing like kicks and cartwheels for exuberance! 😉
So glad you like the face. The colors look overworked to me, but I do like the intensity of the expression, and the clear lines (achieved with my tiny liner brush!). Still working on finding that balance between detail and spontaneous expression!
Happy that you love your body! What a good place to be in. And how brave of you to be willing to pose, I don’t think I could ever do that (would hate to see how people see me, I don’t think my ego could take the hit!)
The first sketch is really nicely done, you’ve captured the posture so well 🙂
Erik’s sketch is great too, and a very interesting pose (I like the hand wrapped around the ankle and the way he tackled the feet)
How did you draw yourself with your hands on your lap?? (I like the way you’ve suggested the hair)
I definitely couldn’t have posed before I felt more comfortable with my body… although actually it’s a two-way street; posing makes me feel happier with it because I can see it as a living thing of beauty, not just globs of fat or awkward limbs. 😉 It makes me grateful to have a body, and that’s always a good place to start when it comes to self-love. 🙂
I love the feet on Erik’s sketch too. In the quicker poses he wasn’t able to capture feet or hands so in a lot of them I have these hilarious big flippers, like a seal. 😀
So clever of you to notice the hands on lap thing. 🙂 I did that pose as-is except for my right hand (the left one in the painting, because of the mirror), which I moved as needed to sketch and paint. It felt a bit crazy but I don’t want every painting I do of myself to be me in the action of drawing/painting!
I think you may just have inspired me to do a nude of myself…….goes to show how inspiring you and your blog are! 🙂
Whee!!! Of course I won’t assume the pic will make it to your blog, but I hope it’s a positive experience for you. 😀 For me it is really perspective-changing to view faces and bodies as works of art rather than (as society tells us) things to be changed. Hope it’ll be that way for you too!
I was away and quite occupied when you posted this. Now I have a chance to catch up and it’s very pleasing, lovely to ring the changes. I love posing for my boyfriend, and drawing him too on occasion. I love the expression on his face as he tries to concentrate so intently on capturing me the way he wants to. When I draw his face, I look so deeply into his eyes, because from there flows his soul I guess, that guides me how to show him on paper.
Thank you, Esther! It’s interesting to read how you feel when drawing and being drawn. I’m hoping to get a chance to draw Erik soon. I’ll post the results if so. 🙂