Neurotic me

Thoughts I had today:

-I feel like eating veggie shrimp. Can I justify going to California Vegan? No. I’ll go home and eat zaru soba instead, or one of those yummy eggs I bought at Whole Foods.
-I felt pretty before I looked in this mirror. Now I don’t. That sucks.
-My eyes look puffy. My eyes always look puffy when I bother to look at them. Should I start wearing concealer? It’s not that I haven’t tried it but I’m just not convinced it does anything for me.
-My double chin is huge. That usually means I’m gaining weight. Am I gaining weight? I haven’t looked at a scale because I thought that didn’t help me, but maybe I should. No, I don’t want to go there again. I want to be healthy without fretting over my appearance. But dang, my chin is huge and my eyes are puffy.
-Does makeup help at all? The one day I try it again and I look worse than before, and my hair is clean too.
-Maybe I should read some more of Jack Finney’s stories. Why can’t I write like Jack Finney? That kind of writing isn’t in style anymore but it’s so enjoyable.
-Thinking of Erik makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
-This year I’m actually excited about Valentine’s Day, because we are going to do partner yoga.
-Why is it that in the past week all I have been thinking of is bakeries, all day long??
-These past two weeks have been really sluggish and bad (in spite of many good things that have happened). Why am I all out of it these days? Why don’t I want to do anything? I don’t even really want to play computer games anymore, but that’s easiest.
-Actually I haven’t been thinking of bakeries all day long; I’ve been thinking specifically of Mani’s. Maybe I should just go there and get it over with. But I hate the traffic on Fairfax.

Sometimes there’s just too much in my head.

[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at]


One response to “Neurotic me

  1. On makeup: for the longest time, I thought I looked terrible in makeup, and I’d take it off as soon as I put it on…however, it usually looks much better after a 20-30 min. settling in period. I think it just has to sit on your face and get less severe. :0) You’ll have to experiment a lot, too, to find the right products and tools.

    I can see the psychological benefit of not using a scale…however, I have to use a scale. I will get off kilter if I don’t. What really helped me come to terms with the usefulness of a scale was using some online tools to chart the weight every day, so that I never have to despair about false gains from water weight, etc. Plus then I know how many calories to eat! Calorie counting is the only thing that really works for me. It can be a tad bit demoralizing at first, but it has steady and comforting results.

    But that’s just me. There’s a million different ways to weight maintenance, and all of them at least a little bit challenging.

    Perhaps God wants you to open a bakery. Then you’ll never be tempted to eat baked goods again!

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