Sure! Unsure!

Quote of the day:
“[When eating,] Don’t put too much in your mouth at once. It looks as if you were brought up in a kennel.”
–Walter Hoving, Tiffany’s Table Manners for Teenagers

It turns out I have strong days and weak days. On my strong days I feel like I can do anything. I smile at strangers and approach the world unafraid. On a strong day it feels very good to be me.

Today is a weak day. I spent my morning feeling nervous and a little jittery with no good reason. I hesitate before doing anything and I fear the outcome of every action. I know it’s silly, but I don’t know how to fix it. On a weak day I avoid eye contact — actually any contact — and think desperately that I would like to go home and hide.

I’m not sure why I vacillate between these moods so frequently. Of course I am still, at core, a gregarious and pretty self-assured person, especially now that I have stopped myself from thinking self-critical thoughts, so even on weak days I manage not to act like a socially phobic hermit. But it is much harder to get anything done when I feel this uneasy about everything, and moreover, it is much harder to encourage myself to do anything when I’m not feeling very certain of myself.

I guess the solution is to find something or someone that helps me feel more sure when I am not, and keep it (or him or her) close at hand. And when I put it like that, it really does sound a little like a deodorant ad. Maybe we all feel like this from time to time, and that’s why things like deodorant always sell so well. Their marketers prey on our insecurities.

Work week is almost over!

[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at satsumabug.livejournal.com.]

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