Yipes

I have just spent the evening compiling the most frighteningly detailed to-do list/calendar that I have ever made, to date…

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…which — as you know, if you have ever seen one of my insane half-hour-by-half-hour daily schedules — is saying something. All the deadlines, including self-imposed ones, are mapped out day by day, along with daily goals, and obligations are classified into “commit” (things that must be done) and “try” (loftier goals to aspire to).*

Now that the calendar is done, I’m reassured to see all my obligations laid out. I now know exactly what I have to do, and when I have to do it. But I’m also, paradoxically, more stressed out, because now I can’t kid myself about the amount of stuff I have to do, and I can’t pretend I still have lots of time.

The thing that scares me most about this calendar of doom, when I look it over (it’s five pages long), is that many of my days seem to be so completely packed with things to do that I’m afraid I’ll never get them all done; either that, or I’ll do so at the expense of my sleep or my sanity (or both). In theory, I have enough time in each day to finish all my duties, but I’m constantly finding that things take longer to do than I think they will. Case in point: it took me almost three hours, from start to finish, to put this calendar together. I thought I could do it in one.

Well, wish me luck. And if this journal remains barren of updates for the next two weeks, you’ll know why — even if I have scheduled “try: write, 30 min” into many of my days.

*The commit/try organization is apparently a software engineering thing. Erik told me about it today and I liked it; I’ve divided my obligations similarly before, but I like the word choices of this method. “Commit” implies that I’ve made a real promise to myself to finish these things; I’m staking my own integrity on getting these things done, so I won’t “commit” lightly. “Try” carries with it encouragement, but no pressure; all I have to do is try, and that’s not hard!

[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at satsumabug.livejournal.com.]

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