Yes, I would like a Ph.D. in Stupid, thank you

Scenario: I am almost finished mopping the bathroom floor. I mopped all around one spot on the ground and then waited for the mopped areas to dry. After they did, I moved, mopped the last spot, then looked for a way to get out of the room.

Options: 1. Wait for spot to dry. 2. Walk across the wet spot. 3. Avoid getting feet wet by laying paper towels (which are close at hand) over the places where I will walk. 4. Attempt to save time and paper towels while still avoiding getting feet wet, by leaping over the wet spot, even though I’m not sure where it ends.

I think you know where this is going.

Outcome: I leapt, misjudged the size of the wet spot, and landed on the far end of it, losing my balance. Slid across the floor on one foot, flailing my arms desperately and doing God knows what else to try to: (a) stay upright, or, failing that, (b) not land on something that might break (including my back). Fell spectacularly toward the ground, but did indeed manage to prevent falling directly on my back through strategic/instinctive use of my elbows and forearms, left shin, and right toes. Amazingly, the way I’d arranged myself to fall on my arms and left leg turned out to be quite supportive, and none of those parts hurt. The right toes do, though. A lot. I think they got bent backward when I fell… I think I might actually have managed to stay upright if it hadn’t been that I could no longer stand the pain in my toes, and thus let myself go.

Half an hour or so later, my toes aren’t actively in pain anymore, but they’re swollen and don’t want to move easily.

Well, at least the floor is sparkly clean.

Winner: Floor 1, Me 0

I hope my poor toes aren’t sprained 😦

[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at]