The date of the exam approaches all too quickly, so I’m suspending updates till then–unless I really need a place to vent, but hopefully it won’t come to that. I’m trying my best to stay calm and just plow through the studying until D-Day, but it can be hard to quell the rising panic. In case you’ve never experienced this particular type of panic, let me tell you what it feels like:
I don’t know enough I will never know enough I’ve wasted my whole summer I am going to fail the exam and it will be all my fault for not studying Everyone else knows more than me I will be exposed for the fraud I really am I am so so screwed I need more time There aren’t enough hours in the day I hate studying and I don’t want to study one more minute But I have to But I don’t want to But I have to But I hate it But you have to DAMMIT AAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHHHH
No no no no you can’t think like that. Deep breath. You can do it. *deep breath* Yes I can. Just keep going till it’s through and then you’ll be done. I can do it.
Suddenly remember something else I need to do, or don’t know, or forgot would be on the exam. Oh no…
DC al fine.*
And on that happy note, I return to studying.
*A musical term indicating: “Go back to the beginning and repeat till the end.”
[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at satsumabug.livejournal.com.]
satsumabug.com | Lisa Hsia 
I know you’re not in the greatest of situations right now, but I found that paragraph very amusing. I think anyone who has ever taken an important test can relate to that sort of panic. I’m sure in your case there’s no need to worry so much. Still, because it never hurts – good luck!
I’m glad it made you smile. I enjoyed writing it because it expresses perfectly how the past few weeks have been, increasing in frequency and panic level with each day. I now have less than one week and still feel like I have no clue, but fortunately for the panic level, fatalism has start to set in and I’m actually relatively cheerful. Odd, isn’t it?