Mirrors

I have just been rereading all my journal entries from the past year, and I tell you now without a trace of modesty that I am really enjoying reading them. I am funny and smart and insightful! When did that happen? Why wasn’t I informed? I am truly amazed.

I can’t quite explain the huge kick I get out of this discovery, but it has something to do with this: having grown a lot in the past year, I’ve forgotten a little just how cool I was already before all these changes occurred. That is to say, each time I hit a new milestone, I forget that there was another one that preceded it, and one that preceded that, so that the entire history of my personal development has been one awesome change after another.

Also, my surprise has something to do with this: I think of journaling as something I do very much in the moment: stuff comes to me and I write it down. Or: stuff happens to me and I write down how I feel about it. Or: something’s going on in my head that day and I need a place to work out what it is. Then, going back to my old entries, I am stunned to find that there are coherent patterns and recurrent themes moving through these ostensibly ephemeral jottings. Enjoyment of history classes? Now I’m at grad school in history. Posting photos and book reviews online? Now I have my own site, and I derive much pleasure from updating it regularly. I am startled to see that entries detailing what I thought were epiphanies of the moment have now been deeply integrated into my worldview and life philosophy. Quite simply, I’m taken aback to see the extent to which my entries from a year ago reflect the person I am today.

I guess it’s just a bit of a shock to see firsthand the way in which all the little bits and pieces of what we call life, so random and seemingly unimportant, add up over time to form our character. We aren’t usually privileged enough to witness this; instead, we start at Point A and then years later find ourselves as Point B, with no idea of how we got there. But thanks to this journal, I know how I got here. I can read it for myself, in my own words, and see my own photos commemorating it, and read the comments of all my friends who have helped me through. I know the events that brought me here, and the thoughts and feelings I experienced along the way. I know what was going on in the world that shaped my little individual experience, and I know how I responded. My Berkeley yoga teacher Martin said it well when I showed him the entries in my journal that concerned Inner Heat: “That’s quite an amazing thing you have going there.”

It is. It really is.

[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at satsumabug.livejournal.com.]

Advertisements

One response to “Mirrors

  1. hey! mushrooms!

    I hadn’t looked at that until now, since i’m procrastinating. and i have to say, i really like your shroom book! the art is very pleasing. :] and your pictors with erik and jackie are very amusing too. they made me happy to see you all looking so happy. and zelo also for those pastries. yum yum! but devin and i bought two ben and jerry’s pints. new flavors! the gobfather and dave matthew’s band’s magic brownies. we’ve only tried the magic brownies so far. vanilla ice cream with raspberry swirls and brownie chunks. it’s quite delicious.

    Can’t wait until the time when I get to visit you! Whenever that is.

    *hugs*
    Shra

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s