Wouldn’t we all?

From “best of” craigslist:

Need a rich person to hire me

Date: Thu Jun 24 19:44:08 2004

Wanted: Full-time job as vegetable gardener for someone who can afford to pay me a middle-class wage.

You: Rich person who likes vegetables. Must live near coast and be not crazy.

Me: Poor person who knows how to grow vegetables. Would like to live near coast. Am usually not crazy.

I will grow your vegetables. I will give them to you, and you can eat them. It will be sort of like sharecropping, except that you’ll pay me about $30,000 and provide me and my 2 cats with a place to live. My cats are neurotic and they won’t like you, so it’s best if we have accommodations outside your home. A view is preferable.

Like I said, you should live near the coast and be not crazy. I do not like growing vegetables for crazy people. Also, I do not have a car, so you would either have to buy me one or give me rides. I am small, so it’s okay if you have a compact.

This job will start in six months to a year. I need that much time to figure out how to leave my present shitty desk job with a bang. I don’t want to just say to those assholes, “Bye, I’m going to go grow some vegetables for a rich person now.” No, I want them to realize what they’re losing. It’s going to be tough, because they’ve never appreciated my many skills and talents. So, I need at least six months, maybe a year, to figure out how to make people who never appreciated me really sorry that I’m leaving.

So, please contact me. I should be able to have your vegetables in the ground for next year’s crop.

My name is Amanda, and I just want to grow tomatoes.

I wonder if Amanda is crazy, or just desperate. I’d try this myself if I got desperate enough, I certainly would. “You: Rich person who likes hand-drawn cards, full-fat cookies and pastries…”

Hmm… $30K is a middle-class wage in the Bay Area?

[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at satsumabug.livejournal.com.]

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2 responses to “Wouldn’t we all?

  1. when i’m rich enough to ride by myself in the carpool lane whenever i want, i will hire you to make me hand-drawn cards and full-fat cookies and pastries. i’ll even pay you $50k/yr! 😀

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