Pandemic journal: Day 5

Wednesday, March 18, 8:39 AM

Day 5 of voluntary social distancing, Day 2 of mandatory shelter-in-place

Theme of the week: nourishment 

I dreamed that Owl and my friends’ child were at a preschool event but without the regular teachers or other families, and only negligent outside caregivers. I was sitting in a meeting with my friends and a man who was in charge of the caregivers, and we were forcefully stating our case while my friends and I supported each other with physical touches and a strong sense of being in this together and having each other’s backs. It was so lovely and I woke up really missing them both. It’s going to be SO long, probably, before any of us friends can touch each other again in any way. 

E is giving me an hour this morning (though some of it went to clearing my desk, and tending plants) and also offered support earlier by making oatmeal while I showered. And as soon as he goes back to work I have a video chat with SD, and then E says he can give me another break at noon, and after that there’s a live-streamed dance class to look forward to, and in the afternoon we’ll go get our CSA and CSF. So the day shouldn’t drag too hugely.

Yesterday afternoon was hard. I’d tried to build in many activities during the day (video chat with family; video chat with preschool friends; listening to the Met Opera’s stream of Carmen; making a birthday card for Y; joining a midday Zoom yoga class) but even though those were all great and I’m really glad I did them, they were all extremely stimulating in their own ways, and because of Owl seemingly not leaving me alone for even a few minutes during any of them, I didn’t get flow on any of these activities, so the day just felt like a mass of interruptions and unwelcome transitions and that, I think, might be the thing that makes me more snappish than anything else. I was desperate by the time Erik got “home” from work, and then my therapist had to reschedule our session and obviously that didn’t improve my trapped feeling. But I ended up grabbing my laptop and retreating into the bedroom for a live-streamed Zoom dance class in a method I’d never done (or even heard of), and it was pretty much just guided intuitive movement and it was amazing, so fun and exactly what I needed. I’ll be planning to do that again for as long as the instructor keeps offering it!

The dance class left me feeling both hungry and physically tired, which I hadn’t been, earlier in the day — and then I set up a Zoom meeting for preschool friends for Friday, and made cookie dough (E reminded me I could just refrigerate the dough; I didn’t have to do the baking tonight as well), and after I got into bed E and I stayed up talking for a bit, which we hadn’t been able to do earlier. And I checked in over text with J too. So, ultimately, not a bad day and the near-meltdown on my part was a solid learning experience. 

We’ll see how today goes — this will be the most errands I’ve run since shelter-in-place started even though that was only yesterday!

Sending loving thoughts to all those who are sheltering in place without any other living creatures in their home, or those who don’t feel safe or happy at home.