I’ve been silent here for the past few days, not exactly intentionally, but it’s how I felt. On Wednesday evening my grandpa passed away in San Jose, peacefully, in the company of his children and their spouses. We all knew his time was coming; he’d been steadily weakening, and I can’t help but feel great relief and gladness that he’s free now. But we’ll all miss him. The day after he passed, I was in the fruit market and the employees were speaking Cantonese, a language I associate with Gong-Gong. I bought my strawberries and walked home, teary. I no longer have any grandparents living. It’s the end of an era.
Gong-Gong is second from right; his brother Edward is next to him, second from left. They are eating at a Chinese American restaurant, sometime in the 1940s.
Gong-Gong, probably 1979
My sister Sarah, Gong-Gong, and me in 2009
Gong-Gong had a good life and a cheerful nature, the latter contributing hugely to the former. Even in the last couple of years, when he didn’t always know what was going on, his kids kept him comfortable and surrounded by love. It’s as much as anyone can ask.
Erik and I are flying out to San Jose later this week, for Gong-Gong’s service and to be with the family. Given the way my family is, a feast and loud babble seems much more appropriate than the traditional moment of silence — but all the same, I think I’ll keep silence on the blog for a couple more days at least.
Rest in peace and love, Gong-Gong. I’m glad I got to know you for so long.
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A note on language: “Gong-Gong” is what we call him in Shanghainese; the o is pronounced like the oo in “cook.” Mandarin has the same pronunciation but a different inflection. Chinese has a host of names and titles for family members; I believe Gong-Gong is generally understood to refer to maternal grandfather even though not everyone calls their mom’s dad that.
satsumabug.com | Lisa Hsia 
Lovely pictures and touching words for someone you were so fond of. Thank you for sharing, there is something so grounding about what you have said here, and your choice of silence. Once again, amidst the hecticity of life here, I am grateful for our connection. Peace to your Gong-Gong and good wishes to you.
Thank you so much, Esther. I’m grateful for you too. 🙂 I’m finding the silence grounding at the moment too. I suppose a less tech-active person wouldn’t find my current situation “silent” at all, but it is for me, and I like it. Peace to you too. 🙂
I ‘m glad you will be in California with your family to celebrate your grandpa’s life! And thanks for the pronunciation lesson. I certainly would have embarrassed myself if ever I had the occasion to speak of your Gong-Gong with you:)
I’m glad too, Sherry! (Writing this from Buffalo airport!) Nothing like family at a time like this. If nothing else, there’s the comfort that we all cry at the same moments. ;b (I don’t just mean over Gong-Gong; the same kinds of things set us off, usually, too.)
Pronunciation in all Chinese dialects is always tricky. 😉
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss, Lisa. I understand the feelings you related. I felt that way when my grandfather passed. He was my only grandparent who spent time with me and showed his love. At the end of his life he was unhappy, confused and in pain. I’m sure his spirit is at peace now, but I felt the relief and gladness you speak of. That he was free again was most important to me. But I miss him often. I’m glad you’re taking time for yourself. I’m thinking about you.
Thank you dearly, Ré. I can tell you understand. I’ll miss Gong-Gong too, but it helps that I had a long time to say goodbye and accustom myself to not having him anymore in my life. Of course it’s not possible to prepare completely, but still, if this had been sudden it would have been a million times harder. Love to you.
My condolences, Lisa. He was clearly a loved and loving man. Remember the happy times.
Thank you, Alan. “Loved and loving” describes him very well. I do think of the good times — and I’m so grateful we had so many of them! These days I’m particularly thinking of Gong-Gong’s notorious fondness for ice cream, since it’s been hot and I’ve been eating a lot of it. 😉
RIP Gong-Gong. Hugs to you Lisa. The end of an era….sounds so final 😦
Thank you, Munira, and hugs back to you. 🙂
When my parents died within a year of each other I wondered if I was still a daughter, if there was no one left to call me that. When something like this happens, we also lose a piece of ourselves because our parents and grandparents carried within them memories of us in ways that no one else does. When they are gone, those memories of us as infants, toddlers, etc., also go, and there’s no one left to tell the story. At the same time, when they leave with their memories, we also lose their history. So our grief encompasses both the loss of them plus our personal loss. I don’t think I’m explaining this very well; sorry. You are so right in feeling that an era has passed. I hope your Gong-Gong crosses the bridge to his new destination fleet of foot and joyful in spirit.
Oh, Lisa, yes — that sounds like such a huge upheaval in not just your personal life, but the way you see yourself and your place in the world. I suppose my mom might be feeling a bit of this now that she is the oldest in this particular line of the family. I know what you mean about losing memories and history. I’m very glad I started our family history before Gong-Gong passed, although of course I wish I started it much sooner so I could have asked him more questions. It’s so important to me to have some kind of reminder of the family lore, what makes us unique and individual as a family. I know from what you’ve written elsewhere that that’s important to you too.
“I hope your Gong-Gong crosses the bridge to his new destination fleet of foot and joyful in spirit.” I love this. Not so sure about fleet of foot, but Gong-Gong was ever joyful of spirit. 🙂 Thank you.
Good day, Lisa. What a beautiful tribute to your Gong-Gong, who obviously made such an indelible impression on you, and those who he loved! I am sorry for the loss, but through your writing, I feel that his spirit is indeed lighter and freer – at peace. 🙂 Keep his legacy alive, as you celebrate his life with the rest of your family.
Thank you so much, Empress! Yes… and what a legacy he leaves. 🙂 It’s nice to have that with me wherever I go.
I’m sending you so much love right now, Lisa. Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories and thoughts. *big, big long distance hugs*
*hugs back* Thank you, Mo. 🙂 So much love back at you!!
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