Happy Friday, dears and darlings, and welcome to the Open Mic! If you’re new here, on Fridays we get together here for some chat. (Sometimes there’s a guest artist instead.) The topic varies from week to week, but everyone is welcome to participate in the comments.
image from wikimedia commons
Today I’m thinking about crushes and attraction. I’m the first to admit that I have a crush-y sort of personality. I’m easily swept away. My crushes are obsessive, but not necessarily romantic-sexual; I can feel the same consuming fascination for a perfume as I do for an individual, and when it comes to people, I can be excited about someone without wanting to partner with them.
I’ve been thinking about common qualities among the people who fascinate me, and I think I’m beginning to understand what draws me. I observe that it’s not the same for men and for women, so I’d like to pose to you two questions adapted from the Proust Questionnaire:
What qualities do you find most attractive in a man? What qualities attract you most in a woman?
Feel free to interpret attraction however you like: romantic, sexual, intellectual, whatever.
See you in the comments!
satsumabug.com | Lisa Hsia 
I’ll go first, since I’ve been thinking about this. I’m clearer on what attracts me in men, but I do have some definite ideas about women. I’ve listed in the qualities in descending order of importance!
Men
Kindness
Remarkable individuality (read: open and profound weirdness)
An active sense of humor
Not taking himself too seriously
Good grooming and posture
Women
Thoughtfulness
Critical intelligence
A certain disregard for convention
Not taking herself too seriously
Quel coincidence 🙂 The other day this very topic was trending on Twitter and for some reason I felt compelled to jump on the bandwagon, hence gave it due consideration! It was #10ThingsThat AreAttractive.
My attraction criteria keep changing I think, but I guess these hold true for now, in a whimsical sort of way. Interestingly, lingering perfume is the first thing that popped into my head.
Eye contact while conversing is very important to me. So is listening, responding, undivided attention, quirky humour and thoughtfulness. A good voice goes a long way too. And these apply to both the sexes 🙂
Somehow, I find myself strongly attracted to people who can articulate their thoughts using good language! I do think I’m a sapiosexual! 😀
Attraction is trending! Ha, that’s funny. Valentine’s Day, maybe?
Ooh, fragrance. 🙂 I like it when someone smells nice too, but I’m picky about the smells. The wrong perfume or cologne can turn me off faster than a light switch. 😉
Oh yes, eye contact and listening and attention!! I never used to consciously think about people’s voices until a grad school classmate said that was one of his attraction criteria.
Oh god, I had never heard of the word sapiosexual. I am definitely one too. 🙂 One hundred percent!!!
This subject interests me a lot!
In regard to both sexes, as friends, I’m attracted to:
1. A quirky sense of humor that I can understand,
2. Openness (though I don’t mind if it’s guarded at times),
3. Kindness with the ability to think of people and animals as part of one world and not just as individuals — or individuals with no connection to each other,
4. Some kind of creativity or at least an appreciation of creativity
In regard to romance with men, I’m attracted to:
1. The ‘otherness’ of masculinity — they don’t have to be Joe Manganiello or Russell Crowe (although that would be quite exciting) — I want their feminine side to be something I discover, not what comes at me first
2. A sense of humor that isn’t mean
3. 2, 3, and 4 from above
4. and I’m actually attracted to a hint of danger — not emotional or physical danger from him, but his ability to get me to ride on the back of his motorcycle (with a helmet) or to go with him to the seedy side of town because that’s where a great jazz trio is playing. I want to feel so safe with him that he can get me to do things I might not necessarily do. I’m not so sure that’s a good thing, but you asked, and it is true.
Now here’s something that perplexes me: I’m heterosexual, but Patti Smith makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. As I get older, I wonder if maybe she has a lot of that male energy I mentioned above, and it hits me before her female energy does, adding an unfamiliar dimension (for me) to how I perceive her as a woman. When I see her on TV, I’m as attracted to her as if she were a man. She’s the only woman I’ve ever felt like that about. And of course, I’ve never seen her in person so I wouldn’t know if the attraction would translate to real life.
I hope all this isn’t TMI. 🙂 But as I said, attraction is a subject that interests me a lot.
It interests me a lot, too!!! As far as I’m concerned there’s no such thing as TMI on this topic, but then… this is a public forum. 😉 I love what you’ve said about Patti Smith!! I think I know what you mean, too. I have an active appreciation for women, though I identify as straight — but yes, there are some women whose energy just makes my skin crinkle with excitement.
Mm, appreciation for creativity, yes, that’s a big one for me too. I think guarded openness can sometimes be more attractive than just plain openness.
I’m fascinated with the otherness of masculinity, too. Of course that’s hard-wired, but I also think I get it from the “nurture” end of things too: I grew up in a very female household and haven’t had very many close straight male friends. I would really love to get more masculine energy in my life.
Goodness me, ladies. What can I say? Male, late fifties but thinks a lot younger, WLTM…..
On the basis of being “straight” I’ll start with men, who, if attracted to, would probably turn out to be the friends I have. 1. Honest 2. Bright / intelligent 3. Open minded 4. Laid back 5. Interesting conversation 6. Widely read (am I too demanding ?)
Women – all of the above. When I sit down to think about this I discover that what attracts me to people of both sexes is probably the same thing.
When it comes to sexual attraction there’s just no legislation for it. I’ve known a couple of female friends in recent years who, in the nicest possible way, you wouldn’t say they were especially attractive physically, but just had a sexy something about them (and they probably didn’t realise since they were just being themselves). Okay, I think I can boil it down…………………I like women with brains. Is that okay?
YES, and thank god! It’s so funny how much that has come up in the comments here… Munira’s not the only sapiosexual, clearly. 😉 I love that you’ve included “widely read” as something you’re attracted to. Mmm. That’s a good one.
Ah, reading everyone’s responses to this reminds of me of the afternoons in grad school when a few of us would just sit around on the lawn and people-watch, and discuss what we found attractive. Fun times. I don’t think I could ever get tired of the subject!