Happy last Friday of August, my dears, and welcome to the Open Mic! Guest posts resume next week with photography and words from Kim Manley Ort. Today, let’s talk.
Drawing from September 2004
This week I’ve been reading David Whyte’s The Three Marriages, which looks at our lives as composed of three “marriages”: to another person, to our work or career, and to ourselves. Everyone knows (or I hope they do!) that marriage takes work, and that our careers will also take their ups and downs. But I don’t think we always talk about what it’s like to get to know ourselves, to slowly build up that trust and camaraderie, to weather challenges and fully commit to that complex soul that is so often unknown and unpredictable even to us. It’s certainly not something I thought much about, growing up; I always just thought I was me and that was that, but it never occurred to me that me was someone to get to know in as much thoroughness as I’d want to know a partner or a dear friend.
I’d like to know, today, what do you do to get to know yourself? How do you explore the vast depths beneath that superficial understanding of who you are? Or maybe you don’t — what stops you?
The comments are open all weekend. See you there!
satsumabug.com | Lisa Hsia 
How do I get to know myself? “Ommmmm, om, om..”
On Tuesday evenings I do a candlelight meditation meeting at the Center for Spiritual Living here in Palm Desert. Two years ago I would have scoffed at such new age mediations but today is different. With sobriety comes reflection and a yearning to understand myself without the mask I put on society. See I’ve been a actress on life’s stage my entire life. When I stopped drinking I found an empty bottle inside. All I knew was how others saw me. I didnt want to know me. Today I look deep within in silence for twenty minutes on Tuesday evenings and it is lovely what I see. We are not our egos. When I close my eyes and quiet
My soul I see the connectedness of all life. I see a child of God. I see a hopeful soul seeking love and meaning. What do you see inside of you when you close your eyes?
Jacqueline, good to see you! Your weekly meditation sounds like a great practice. I keep wanting to meditate but I have trouble keeping up the practice. But whenever I’ve tried it, I also feel that loving connectedness to everything — either that, or I’m cranky and uncomfortable and hating everything. ;b (It depends how long I’ve been sitting there!)
I see that “connectedness of all life” that Jacqueline speaks of, too. Once I made it past the terror of my teens, when that connectedness felt excrutiating and every rejection was like a part of me being sliced into, I’ve been consistently learning new ways of connecting with other people, and slowly gaining more understanding of how to negotiate the differences and the gulfs between us.
As for knowing myself, I’ve always felt that I did. Even when I was lost in a relationship where space for my own emotional expression was hard to find, I knew what I wanted and what was important to me.The new things I learn about life and how to express what I know and how I feel (in an effort to be understood by others), augment who I’ve always known I was. My struggle may appear to be different from the outside, but I’ve found that it lies more in self expression than in self discovery. My search is for the languages of emotion that I don’t understand yet. Someday I hope I can converse freely within them. I don’t think it’s an attainable goal, but I do think the goal itself will keep me a lifelong learner and engaged in what I think is the most important component of human life.
Did this come off as dry? I am a fun person with a wicked sense of humor. Really. I swear! 🙂
Ré, I’m not sure you could come across as dry. 😉 How grand to always know yourself… and yes, that search for emotional language is important to me too (and I’ve only just begun to realize it). I used to think I knew myself very well but lately I’m starting to see there have been parts of me that I politely shut the door on. I’m opening those doors. 🙂
Since childhood I have been on a path of inner exploration. Contemplative meditation on a daily basis is my tool of choice, incorporating spiritual books and classes as well. It is a never ending journey and a joy without measure!
I know what you mean, Sherry! I’m always finding myself through reading. I remember in my early teens I was fascinated with astrology (I’m a Sagittarius, btw) and used to read up on that a lot. Now I move more toward creativity books and Buddhism. Everything I read gives me a little more insight into what speaks to me and what doesn’t.
Interesting topic and interesting responses. I’ve wondered about this at various stages on my life. Posing the question of “Who am I?” or “Am I true to myself?” and does that identify who I am? I’ve always thought of myself one way and now I find myself wondering if that self-image was/is an illusion and I am after all, the sum of the parts gone before. (Don’t read that sentence more than once, it’s confusing 🙂 ) Am I what I did/has happened …or am I something else to be born anew? It’s a bit deep but worth exploring. When I stopped working full-time I had a real problem with my sense of the need for tangible achievement. I’d been goal-driven all my life and it was difficult to shake off that feeling of not achieving anything if I didn’t have a target/goal to go for and to share it’s achievement with my fellows. It has taken me years to shed that and I guess it’s not all gone, now. I’m in a transitional period, I think. At a place of re-definition. How will I refine my redefined self ? By the achievement of goals, how else!
My view differs from Ré’s slightly then in that Ré has always been aware of who she is…………but I agree that aiming for the goals will keep us all life-long learners. And that is a good thing. And maybe attaining those new goals will help us define or refine who we are as bodies and souls.
Alan, your answer is so fascinating too. I feel that achievement motivation too. A big part of learning how to be myself as an artist has been letting go of that; before that, I was PhD-bound and that path had so many clearly demarcated tests to pass, milestones to reach. I’m gradually learning that I can still be a valid person even if I haven’t gotten to x, y, and z points on the map I think must exist!
Curious to see how your transitional place continues to unfold. 🙂
I really, really need writing to get to know myself. I don’t have to write in my journal every day, but I always go back to it, especially when there’s something in my life that’s upsetting or confusing me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know what my thoughts are until I write them down.
On the flip side of that, I’m deeply interested in Buddhist philosophy that says we are not our thoughts (and that, perhaps, we are not even what we think of as our selves!). That has been interesting for me too: I’ve been exploring what it might mean to exist without attachment to my thoughts, feelings, or concept of me. Part of the journey, of course, is that that’s impossible!