Happy last Friday of July, friends, and welcome to the Open Mic! If you’re new here or have forgotten how this works, when we don’t have a guest post, I pose a question and we all discuss in the comments. Ready? Here we go!
This week I’ve been thinking about public speaking. So many people are terrified of it; as the oft-quoted statistic goes, Americans fear public speaking more than illness or death. (Word of the day: glossophobia.) I consider myself luckier than most: public speaking makes me nervous, but not frightened. I attribute this to all the time I’ve spent in front of audiences: I’ve taught classes, I was in the speech and debate club in high school, and I performed in piano recitals and school plays from a very young age. I still get the dry-mouthed jitters, but I know I can deal.
My question to you is: how are you with public speaking? What about it scares you the most — what are you most afraid of? Or, if you’ve overcome anxiety about it, what helped you overcome it?
Don’t worry about speaking up here, where the mic is virtual and your blushes are yours alone. 😉 The mic stays open all weekend. See you in the comments!
satsumabug.com | Lisa Hsia 
For me, the difficult part of it is wondering if I’ll be judged harshly.
I seem to be able to stand up out of sheer will power, but the last time I remember doing it explains where I get into trouble: I went to a jobs services agency lecture/workshop on first impressions last fall, and the speaker asked us each to get up, introduce ourselves, tell what kind of work we were looking for, and explain how we thought our fellow audience members could help us. I could barely see because I was so nervous, but I attempted to use her suggestions– smile, be animated, look people in the room in the eye as I spoke. When I finished, she said I looked nervous, my hands were flapping all over the place and the way I kept jerking my head around made me look crazy. My self esteem is a little better than it used to be, so I instantly hated her, but I wondered how I would ever get a job, and I got extremely depressed. (She didn’t seem to think any of the others were quite as bad as I was. I got a lot of sympathy in the room, but that wasn’t what I wanted.)
If I know I have my crap together on whatever the subject is, I do a lot better because at heart I’m comfortable sometimes with a bit of a spotlight. (I was like that as a toddler.) But if I don’t feel so sure, I sweat, tremble and turn into zombie girl out of fear of people like that speaker.
I think the leader was a bit harsh. How are you supposed to feel good after those comments ? You did the right thing but nerves is a part of it. None of us do this for a living, after all. One tip someone gave me is to have 3 ready items in your head for those standard questions. For example, “What do you do a for a living ? ” ” I’m a qualified lawyer with a degree in archeology who rants at the radio.” (As if !!) …or…” I was a full-time Mum but now I support art groups and write short stories.”
“How’s the job going?”……” The boss sucks, the hours are fine and the moneys great.”
Politicians do it all the time………..3 things, puts you in control. 🙂
Thanks for the support, Al. I always wonder how folks who aren’t suited for working with people in sensitive situations, manage to get those jobs.
I like your suggestions for the inevitable questions! 🙂 It’s time I started practicing mine.
That’s a fabulous suggestion! I’ll have to think on that. Hmm, what are the standard questions for me?
“How are you?” and the variant “What’s new with you?” (Never know how to answer that one except when it’s someone I’ve been talking to on an extremely regular basis.)
“What do you do?”
“How is the writing/art going?”
I always feel like a total doofus every time I’m asked these things. It’ll be great to have three ready responses for each!
That teacher sounds tactless at best and clueless at worst! It’s nerve-wracking to be evaluated like that, even when you’re sure of what you’re doing, and that just sounds like a situation no one could be comfortable in. Ugh.
I know what you mean about feeling judged too… and about doing better if I think I have things together on the subject. It’s much scarier to speak on the fly when I haven’t had a chance to prep.
About 20 years ago in my “suit” days my company sent me on a Public Speaking Course with a dozen others whcih was run by an old guy called Harold (something). Harold was doddery then so is probably no longer with us. Harold had spent his life treading the stage, not tv or film, the real thing where projection is everything. Sat in a circle we all took turns to stand up and say something. Firstly, Harold would stop us at every little thing that was wrong. Sometimes you didn’t even get a word out before he would raise his hand and stop you. Then maybe next time it was your turn you’d get a word out, maybe two, even a sentence. This went on for 3 days. Harold was tough ! But by the end of 3 days all of us were confident, projecting passionate speakers. He was amazing. No-one who was trained by Harold ever forgot him and I guess that’s how his many students must remember him now.
I’ve never really had any jitters since. I’ve probably forgotten a lot of what he told me and I’d probably have to retake the course from the end of Day 1 but he did leave us with a lifetime skill. Since then I’ve led training courses myself, performed in Panto (that was fun), was a guest speaker in a church once, and now sing and play to total strangers. It’s all down to training.
I sometimes reflect on the skills some of these old guys have given me. Yeah, they were getting paid but they did a great job. (On a different theme a little, I recall in 1970 an old guy sitting me down in front of a type writer at my first job and telling me to teach myself to type – “It’ll come in handy,” he said.)
When it comes to public speaking I have one mantra – you cannot prepare to fail, you can only fail to prepare. As Ré says, get your crap together and anyone can do it, I think.
That is the most fabulous story. Wish we could all have a Harold for these lifetime skills like public speaking! You’re fortunate to have gotten such a lesson! I do think we can all do it but most people are so nervous and have never had the requisite practice or coaching. It’s a bogeyman for people, like French… I’ve seen educated, intelligent people fumble over restaurant menus because the names of the dishes were in That Dread Language, French (even though the dishes were described in English!).
I used to be horrible at speaking in front of people. I shook, got tongue tied, sometimes had to leave the room. Teaching has really helped with that. I still get nervous when I have to get up in front of people, but as soon as I start, I’m usually okay. If my nerves won’t quit, I’ll mention my nervousness to the audience, and that almost always does the trick.
Of course, all this goes out the door when it comes to reading my work in public. No matter who comfortable I might feel talking to people, the moment I’m not talking but reading something I’ve written … I’m shaking and tongue tied and wishing I could leave the room!
Clearly still some work to do!
This is really interesting to me, Girlgriot, because when I’m reading something and I can’t see the audience, that helps me. I don’t even worry that they won’t like it, so long as I don’t have to see their faces. Of course, there is the looking up at the end… I’ve been known to run for my seat like a bat out of hell! 🙂
I wouldn’t have guessed your history — you seem comfortable talking to people now!
So interesting about reading your work. What do you think makes you most uncomfortable about that? The fact that it’s your work, or the reading, or what?