Home by my own rules

Have you ever noticed how some people just have these beautiful, welcoming, fascinating homes that make you feel so dissatisfied once you get back to your own place? I used to get really envious of other people’s houses or apartments. I would wonder how it was that they knew the secret to decorating, and I didn’t.

A couple of years ago I subscribed to a home-design magazine, and every time I read an issue, I would get depressed. And indignant, because I’d see $10,000 sofas and abstract art pieces scattered about just so, and I’d feel intense irritation at the self-importance of these decorators. But I’d still be jealous. Finally I gave up and canceled my subscription — I think the only good thing I got out of it was a yummy recipe for kedgeree. At that point, I decided that having a nice-looking home depends on having time, money, or effort (or all three) to throw into it, and since I’m not willing to devote much of any of these to decorating, I’m screwed.

Then, this week, I read a Yoga Journal article on Patanjali‘s yoga sutras, and I started thinking, what if it’s just me? Maybe, deep down, it’s myself I’m dissatisfied with, so I will always be searching for completion outside of myself — admiring others’ spaces as superior to my own, thinking they have the answers. Maybe if I could truly accept myself and embrace the beautiful yogic principle of aparigraha (non-grasping), my discontent would just float away like a breeze. It could happen. I don’t feel envy these days as often as I used to, so that must be a sign of progress; I’m able to be happy for other people’s pleasures without wanting them for myself. But this practice, clearly, is a lifetime task that has to do with more than just my feelings about pretty interiors.

Peter Walsh does say in his brilliant book, It’s All Too Much, that issues with clutter are never just about the stuff. One thing I have learned about myself in the past couple of years is that I tend to feel very bound by other people’s rules, both in the sense of the big-picture (career, etc) and in the sense that I’ll read what some “expert” says in a magazine about home decor, and consciously or unconsciously I will try to adhere to that for years before I realize it doesn’t apply to the way I live. What it comes down to is that I really can’t be comparing myself to others all the time. Looking at other people’s beautiful homes will not make my apartment any more attractive; I have to find my own way to decorate and a way to do it that doesn’t feel like an imposition. This probably means it will take me a very long time to build up a home that suits me, because I hate furniture stores, and all other sources of these items are so hit-or-miss (garage sales, thrift shops, etc). But so be it. I suppose all worthy pursuits take time, and I shouldn’t expect home-building to be any different, in spite of what our consumerist society implies.

General rules
1. Minimize clutter
2. Every room’s purpose should be immediately apparent to anyone who enters
3. If applicable, each room’s “zones” should be clear (e.g., work area, sitting area, etc.)
4. Furnishings and decorations should reflect the residents’ personality and/or aesthetic
5. Surfaces should be kept cleared as much as possible
In other words, living spaces should be cohesive, purposeful, clean, and tidy.

Here are my personal rules, based on how I like to live:
1. I don’t like knickknacks because they’re annoying to dust
2. I like my decorations to mean something
3. I like things to not match, like dishes or silverware
4. I don’t like sofas or chairs to look hard or overly firm
5. Candles are nice
6. Natural light is best
7. Fresh air is essential
8. I get really irritated when wires and other electronic appendages are lurking about
9. If I use it often, I need it to be close at hand — which means if I use it more than once a day, I want it to be out, not tucked away in a drawer
10. I don’t like glass or metal in furniture; solid wood looks warmest and most authentic
11. I prefer my objects to have a history or a story
12. I have more books and papers than anything else, and I need a good way to store them, because when I see lots of them all disorganized, I get very annoyed
13. I would prefer not to have to open doors to get at my clothes
14. It drives me crazy when I have to dig to get to things, like clothes or cooking pots
15. I like to have a big, well-lit workspace available for me at all times
16. The computer should not be in such a central position that I’m always tempted to go to it

Right now I would say our apartment violates all 5 of the general rules and about 9 of the individual rules, which is probably a big part of why I feel so dissatisfied with the way we’ve got it set up. Unfortunately, since we’re moving in the next few months, it doesn’t make sense to massively rearrange things or buy anything new. But also, fortunately, our move will allow us to throw out what doesn’t work, and have a fresh start in the new place. Nevertheless, until we move, I remain discontented — with our apartment and probably with myself… but I’m working on it.