So… this information will now do me no good, but I’ve figured out what I look for in a man. ;b Here’s the list, leaving out obvious qualities like thoughtful, nice, in possession of a good sense of humor, etc:
Know that what I hate most in a man is machismo. I think the need to prove oneself “manly” is just ridiculous. If you’re a real man (how I hate that phrase), everyone can tell and there’s no need to prove it. You can do whatever the heck you want and no one (well, no one whose opinion we value) will ever see you as less than a man.
For some reason, the quality I find most attractive in a man is apparently individualism. The guys I really, really like and feel a connection with (and, frankly, there are very, very few) are all completely unique people. I don’t know anyone else like them, and they defy categorization, except maybe as “guys I really like”. They’re also at least fundamentally aware of their weirdness, in that they accept it and don’t try to hide it.
They have a deep, thoughtful, caring interest in the world around them, and how they fit into that world. They have real sympathy for their fellow denizens of the universe, and it shows in how they talk about other people, and how they treat others. This goes beyond just being nice. It’s an innate quality, and a hard one to fake, I think.
They have to be incredibly intelligent. This is not compromiseable.
That’s what I’ve come up with so far. There are loads of other things, but these seem to be the most unusual in that I’ve gotten to know very few people so far who have this blend of qualities. I know a lot of guys, and I count many of them as my friends, but even among them there are hardly any who fit this bill. In fact, I will be honest here: I only know two guys who do. One is Erik, who I know about as well as anyone can know anyone else. The other is someone I’ve only met this year, but he radiates this and I was drawn to it immediately. There’s one other person who might be this, but I don’t know him well enough to judge–maybe he hasn’t figured it out himself yet. Oh, and I should mention that I’m not romantically interested in these two others besides Erik. There are a lot of complicated factors that go into romantic love, as anyone ought to know, and just liking someone–even liking on the level I’m talking about here–isn’t enough to cut it. But talking with someone who has these qualities carries a profound sense of joy and recognition. It’s like falling in love, only, as I’ve just said, if it’s not Erik then the other necessary elements of love are missing for me. ;b If I were being more mystical I could say all sorts of things, like “I knew this person in a past life” or “We are woven together in the fabric of the universe,” but those things just sound silly.
I don’t go around talking about these people I feel these connections to, because people get all antsy about girls talking about guys-they’re-not-romantically-interested-in like this. Or vice versa. But this doesn’t have anything to do with sexual attraction, really. I can feel this connection to someone without having any interest in them as a potential mate/bedfellow. Does that make any sense?
The funny thing is I have no idea what it is I look for in girls. For some reason all the qualities I’ve mentioned above, while laudable in women, do not combine in that same way to light a spark in me where females are concerned. I do sometimes feel that sense of kinship with women, but it doesn’t come from the same things… maybe some other time I will figure that out and write another entry about it. 🙂
[This post was imported on 4/10/14 from my old blog at satsumabug.livejournal.com.]