sad?

i’ve been a bit blue lately, though that really isn’t the best way to describe it. i’ve been having a good time in general, but my thoughts have just been kind of confused. i guess the way to say it might be that i’ve had a lot of things on my mind in the past week. i don’t know if it’s because of my irregular sleeping habits (i definitely need to fix those… my poor abused body) or because i’m not going out as much as i’m used to (out, as in out of the house, fresh air, walking, etc); i think both of those might contribute.

i’m having trouble deciding what i want when it comes to vegetarianism. i am convinced that veganism is the best way to go, but i am not sure i am ready to commit to such a radical change. at the same time, the knowledge that i am continuing to eat and use animal products is causing me to feel hypocritical and incapable of sticking to my beliefs. it’s a tough road, and i’m not sure there’s any way to come out of it without feeling some kind of loss, no matter what i choose to do.

i also feel like i am becoming a less kind and more selfish person. this seems strange because the choice to stop eating animals was definitely based on compassion. i guess i feel like inertia is winning over, minesweeper is taking over my life, and i just can’t seem to bring myself to do things. i don’t do anything around the house, i don’t eat very much or very healthfully because i don’t feel like cooking or even washing an apple, i haven’t done even half of the things that i wanted to do over break.

i just talked to erik about all of this, and that has helped me feel i can overcome my laziness. the vegetarianism i’ll have to figure out on my own, but i suppose improving my habits overall will help that along. so… in keeping with my (i guess this is a new year’s resolution) new determination to not be lazy… i’m going to go take a shower. 🙂 that’s right. i’m going to get off my lazy butt, starting now.

[note, 4/10/14: Imported from my old blog at satsumabug.livejournal.com.]