A week ago I was in the shower and I thought to myself, not for the first time that week, that it might be a good idea to quit using Facebook (at least temporarily). I’ve done this before; for a time I stopped checking it altogether, and other times I’ve limited myself to one morning check and one evening. But I always come back to it in the end. My objection isn’t so much that it’s a time suck; I can always find other timewasters, so removing one doesn’t necessarily do much there. No, it’s that Facebook, more often than not and much much more often than other pursuits, leaves me feeling worse after I’ve browsed it than before I started. This is a thing we all know, I think (a quick search informs me that there are even studies on this).
Why is it so hard to give it up? One thing I’ve realized is that even when I know it’s not helpful to go on Facebook, I do it anyway because I’ve been stuck with my thoughts all day and I’m looking for connection and/or dialogue. Facebook is sometimes good for this, but usually not. What it is good for is feeding me information — literally, they call it a news “feed” — without helping me filter it in meaningful ways. For example, everyone’s posts get equal weight; they all share the same format, placement, font size and color. A thoughtful observation by a dear friend looks exactly as important on my feed as an offhand, played-for-laughs remark by someone I barely know (and vice versa). Moreover, if someone posts more often, they get more spacetime in my brain, which leads my unconscious to think their perspective is more significant than that of the person who only posts occasionally and at odd hours. In face-to-face interactions I am pretty good at assigning value to different people’s contributions, but my news feed is like everyone talking at the same volume all at once.
In addition, people like to share links, and many of these have overtly prescriptive titles, even if (or perhaps especially if) their content is not that vital: “Six cancer-fighting foods to add to your diet,” “Twenty books every person of color must read,” even the flippant “This baby fox is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen!” Intellectually I know these things don’t matter, but still, they’re telling me how to feel or what to do, and ultimately that starts to sink in and make me feel diminished for not doing what they say. And yet I keep coming back, because hey, if I’m not sure what to do with myself, and these articles are telling me, sometimes it’s easier to just go on Facebook and be told what to do. Even if that means “Fifteen lifehacks that will change the way you wake up in the morning.”*
Theoretically the best thing to do, if I feel like some human interaction, is to go out and find people, but that’s not always feasible.** The next best, I suppose, is something that imitates a realtime one-on-one, like a chat — and preferably a chat window I can view on its own, not only as a box embedded in a noisy website (like on Facebook). And the next best after that is the comments section of certain blogs, where maybe I won’t get a response right away, but when it does come, it’ll be intelligent and well-thought-out (I guess you could argue that for some people that’s actually the opposite of realtime face-to-face interactions, but that’s the beauty). And after that… well, I can always write, which is like a dialogue with myself (which sounds stupid, but isn’t).
I realize this is more of a problem for me than for other people, because (a) I’m not surrounded by people all day, and (b) I lean extrovert so I need conversation, but (c) I’m enough of an introvert that I don’t always like the thought of running out and finding people. And it’s more of a problem here than in other places, because I am working more here than I am exploring, so I’m simply not out as much. Now that I’m thinking about it, though, I’m sure I will think of some way to get some people-time without having to resort to constant Facebooking.
—–
*Speaking of which, don’t you always find — if you read these things — that you don’t need the change as much as you thought you did? It’s hard to form new habits, and there is no way I am going to adopt fifteen of them at the same time, or even three, regardless of how life-changing they supposedly are (which is anyway usually much less life-changing than promised).
**Fun fact: Boston-area Meetups include a speculative fiction writing group and a group for self-described millionaires. O_O
satsumabug.com | Lisa Hsia 
I am all for giving up Facebook, but that also has its disadvantages. So many people use it now, that when I gave it up, I really felt out of the loop. I never knew when events were happening–sometimes even when they were in my own house–and some of my friends would sometimes forget to invite me to things (although that probably says more about them than anything else). I also felt very isolated because FB was my main source for news (not really good, but whatever) and keeping up with what my friends were up to. That said, I was definitely less self-conscious than I was before. For the first time, I wore sweatpants to class, which isn’t really a big deal, but I never did it previously because I didn’t want to look like a slob. Giving up FB made me stop comparing myself to others, which was really great. I also became much more aware of my social interactions after quitting. I really started noticing when other people were using their phones instead of listening during our conversations, and when someone made a statement like “I’m going to make that my status!” or “I need to share that on FB,” it started sounding really stupid. And people do that a lot, so it would kind of upset me because it made me feel like they were so engrossed in themselves, or trying to portray themselves in a certain way, that they didn’t see who was around them at all. For example, I’ve actually been in the awkward position several times, of sitting at a round table where the 2 or 3 people I was with were all on FB on their phones, and I wasn’t because I didn’t have FB.
In summary (after all of that word vomit), leaving FB will allow you to become more aware of how other people’s social interactions are being hindered by FB addiction, thus making you less likely to succumb to FB addiction. It may also boost your self-confidence/decrease your self-consciousness. BUT it might make it harder for you to want to be around most people because their FB addiction gets so annoying, and it might get harder to keep in touch with people you don’t see regularly. Good luck!
I don’t think I could ever give it up entirely. 🙂 Especially not now as we’re traveling and not always seeing friends on a regular basis. I know FB isn’t a substitute for meaningful interaction, but it does help me just see what people are up to. I think the best thing is for me to put limits on my FB use so I’m not constantly checking for updates.
Good to know about your FB-quitting experience though. 🙂 I do think your friends not inviting you probably says more about them, though it’s kind of a funny story. 😉
I have been ill recently and realised it was because I had taken on too much, and on top of that was regularly being sucked into FB, so I turned off my computer for a day. I only checked my phone about once. It was a good feeling, and when I switched my computer on the next day, I didn’t want to go on FB. I felt a bit allergic to it, still do, but have been on it a little. I agree with what Allison said, you become more aware of your social interactions, and I have a feeling that over time it will help me to connect more with others who are less dependent on FB. The other thing is when I did go back on to check, I noticed at least 2 updates from people saying they were fed up with FB and were thinking of leaving! Maybe it will catch on… ok wishful thinking perhaps! I think moderation for me. All the best with achieving the right balance.
Thank you, Esther! I hope you’re feeling better. Your comment reminds me of how I felt once, some years ago, when I went for a month with only a dial-up internet connection. On the one hand it drove me crazy, but once I got a faster connection, I noticed it felt overwhelming — as if I had to consume everything faster just to keep up with the much faster rate at which information was being delivered to me. The other day Erik and I were talking about the dangers of internet procrastination, one of them being that everything happens so much faster that it’s possible to move through many emotional states within minutes. Here’s to finding balance for us all.
FB is my main means of keeping in touch with my family and friends back home, and it’s a two-way communication stream. I don’t read the newspapers in Singapore anymore and FB has replaced it as a news source (admittedly, there could be certain bias depending on who posted the news link!)
I recently attended a workshop and apparently the average person using FB spends about 405 minutes per month on the site! I suppose it’s a matter of striking a balance of staying connected and being entertained…
I suspect that during my FB-heavy times I spend far more than 405 minutes/month on the site. 😐 I do use it as one of my primary news sources, which I think is a good thing because my friends are a very literate and connected bunch — I don’t just get the news but also some very smart and critical takes on the news. But yes, it’s hard to find a balance. It really is a fantastic way to keep in touch with distant friends and family, but so often I find myself on the site hoping to do that and instead getting sucked into current stories that really aren’t important. Sigh!!
It’s nice that your friends don’t just re-post news but also provide their own take on whatever is happening or that they’ve read. What I’ve found to be quite convenient about FB is that I would sometimes see different comments/ perspectives about the same news.
There is the occasional tabloid news link, such as Daily Mail, that I try to avoid clicking. Once I get onto Daily Mail, it takes at least 10mins before I manage to pull myself away from the gossip! (*_*)
Gossip is awfully seductive. I like to think it’s just part of our nature as social creatures. 🙂
Absolutely! I once read an article that gossip can foster bonding in the office 😉