New Year’s Resolutions

I’ve decided on my resolutions for this year, and they are as follows:

I’ve made up the sign a little later than usual this January, because I was torn between action and reassurance for the main message. At first I wanted to write “Act now, beg forgiveness later,” because I tend to hesitate when I think I’m going against other people’s expectations (real or perceived). But as I’ve gotten more and more tense in the past few years, I also really wanted to remind myself to let go and not worry so much about whether things (me most of all) are perfect. Yoga tells us that wherever we are in this moment is okay, but I always forget that when I’m in the throes of freakout because some little thing didn’t go as planned, or I’ve discovered that I’m less-than-stellar at anything. So I decided to put this message of acceptance foremost on my sign. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be right. I am a work in progress, and that’s okay.

I’ve also been thinking lately that maybe letting go is its own inspiration to productivity, because if I can drop all the stupid little things that weigh on my mind, I’ll have more energy to focus on what really matters. And that’s what the secondary part of my sign is about. I’m too good at multitasking, keeping track of details, and planning ahead — I start doing it for everyone and everything, even things that aren’t important, and that’s when I start to lose track of myself. So I added a resolution about paring away what’s not essential, as a reminder that, though so much of life is made up of nonessentials, these deserve a minimum of time and thought.

When I worry less about nonessentials, I have room to focus on other things. I figured out in Sally Kempton‘s meditation workshop last year that while I’m highly practiced at figuring out what I want in the short term, I’m not so attuned to what I deep-down, long-term desire. Desire is intense, intuitive, revealing, and highly focused; wanting is mercurial, frivolous, peripheral. In dropping the inessential, I hope to get closer to the desires that are at my core and which my all-too-dominant brain has been working for so long to suppress (or just override). In other words, while my mind continues to serve me well, I’d like to move away from having it always be in charge. When I can’t sleep some nights because my brain is racing so hard my body can’t relax, it’s a problem.

And finally, I’ve retained my original resolution, the directive to act. I think too much, I hesitate, I worry, and I vacillate. I want to put an end to all that and just be and do. That’s what my resolutions are about this year: be who I am, only who I am, know what I want, and act accordingly. It’s a more accepting, more refined version of my resolutions from the past years.

2008:

2007:

I’ve read in many excellent sources that the key to keeping resolutions is to make them SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. But I think my more mantra-like resolutions also serve an important purpose; they’re always there, close at hand, reminding me of what I’ve learned in the past year and how I want to change this year. Twyla Tharp wrote that creators should always know the “spine” of their work, that is, the essence of whatever project they’re working on. Each year, these resolutions serve as my spine, bringing me back to the center every time I wander away or get lost.

(Anyway, goodness knows, I pick up enough SMART projects during the course of each month, let alone year! And yes… those work, too.)

Here they all are, as posted above my desk: